the daymare

"what is that for?" I asked, pointing to the large wooden bat in his hand
he ignored me.
"what are we going to do now?" I looked at him hopefully.
he was unusually good at thinking of fun things to pass the time. dangerous things? sometimes. but I wanted so bad for him to love me, I really did. I would do it anyway. even if my insides screamed "no!!! don't!!!" I would play his crazy games.
I know he loved me. but why didn't he show it? why did he slander my beliefs?? everything I stood for he stood against.
"i don't know, something. maybe we should go to the movies."
"that's a great idea!" I gushed "let's!"
he looked at me for a long moment.
"no. no i don't want to."
"yeah, you're right. it would be boring."
there was a pause. we both sat on the wall, looking out at the sea.
then he said "do you remember what we were talking about yesterday?"
"yes. i remember."
"and you said that you would always feel that way about it, even if i thought that the whole business was stupid and that you shouldn't waste your time on it." he was beginning to squint his eyes. he fingered the bat in his hand.
"yes."
"well i think that it's stupid! i think they're stupid!!! stupid, you dumb-ass, stupid and pointless!!! he began to laugh.
I looked away. he had just called everyone and every thing I loved pointless, stupid, and dumb.
I knew he wanted me to laugh with him, laugh at what he had said. because it was so funny right? when he made those cruel jokes yesterday he had wanted me to laugh. laugh at myself. "look how stupid I was" he wanted me to say. and I had.
I couldn't do it. I just couldn't laugh.
his laugh began to slow. suddently he stopped.
"funny, huh. it's is so stupid though. you thinking that."
I shook my head. "no. it's not funny." I said very quietly. my stomach flip-flopped. I had said it! I had finally said what I wanted to!
he looked shocked. then he lifted the club and hit me, knocking me off the wall. I was stunned. I lay on the ground and looked up at him.
he walked away.

"mary. mary? are you there? earth to mary!"
I looked up, shaken from my daydream. or was it a daymare?
"it's time for dinner."
"oh."

no. that is not what he would really do, no. but that is what it would feel like. he would never torture my body. I thought. he would just torture my mind.